This page lists some of our favorite quotes. We hope you enjoy; and if you’ve got any quotes you think we’d like, send ‘em along.
| Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.- Marcus Aurelius |
| Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire |
| Do not hit at all if it can be avoided, but never hit softly. - Theodore Roosevelt |
| Buy land - they've stopped making it. - Mark Twain |
| A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. - Oscar Wilde |
| I have great faith in fools - my friends call it self-confidence. - Edgar Allen Poe |
| 'Talk not of wasted affection. Affection was never wasted.' - Longfellow |
| "Life is tough, it's tougher when you're stupid." - John Wayne |
| If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. - W.C. Fields |
| Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Mark Twain |
| 'Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.' - Mary Pickford |
| "If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut." - Albert Einstein |
| To fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallible god. - JLB |
| Heav'n has no rage, like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury, like a woman scorned - William Congreve |
| Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. |
| If knowledge is power and power corrupts, doesn't knowledge corrupt? |
| Nuclear Fission is nice, but none of the really cosmic breakthroughs can hope to surpass the utility and availability of the white 5-gallon plastic bucket. - J. Taylor Buckley |
| Particle physicists are always trying to hold a meeting, but whenever they decide on a place, the time changes. |
| What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. - Dave Barry |
| Expert: A person who knows a great deal about very little and who goes along knowing more and more about less and less, until finally he knows practically everything about nothing. |
| ...when the armed robber of unhappiness knocks over the Keebler cookie display of our complacency, and bangs the samurai sword of negativity on the checkout counter of our dreams, we must not be afraid to hurl the fruit cocktail can of hope. At least that's how I see it. - Dave Barry |
| "Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl." - Stephen Leacock |
| "Unless you give me the answer ahead of time, it doesn't get any faster than this." - A physicist on the west coast boasts about the speed of his code. |
| "With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil - that takes religion." - Steven Weinberg |
| "When you're using liquid oxygen, just about anything is fuel." - Overheard in Dublin, CA |
| Happiness is like wetting your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. |
| They sicken of the calm who know the storm. - Dorothy Parker |
| When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. - Abraham Maslow |
| Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. - Friedrich Nietzsche |
| The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not a sufficient warrant. - John Stuart Mill "On Liberty" |
| "If you are not an idealist by the time you are twenty you have no heart, but if you are still an idealist by the time you are thirty, you don't have a head" - Randolph Bourne |
| Having nothing, nothing can he lose. |
| What we do not understand we do not possess. - Goethe |
| Tell me what you're laughing at and I shall tell you who you are. - Goethe |
| People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little. - Jean Jacques Rousseau |
| This year will go down in history. For the first time, a civilized nation has full gun registration. Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient, and the world will follow our lead into the future! - Adolf Hitler, 1935 |
| The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russel |
| You need only two tools: WD40 and duct tape: if it doesn't move and it should, use WD40; if it moves and shouldn't, use the tape. |
| Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country. - Hermann Goering, Hitler's No. 2 man, before being sentenced to death at the Nuremberg trials. |
| I argue very well. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. - Dave Barry |
| To do what ought to be done, but what would not have been done unless I did it, I thought to be my duty." - Robert Morrison, Miami 1849 |
| Even if you don't have the answer, you certainly have to admire the problem. - Voltaire |
| Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour, sit next to a pretty woman for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein |
| In the beginning, there was nothing. And the Lord said: 'LET THERE BE LIGHT' and there was still nothing but now you could see it. |
| "What do you want in a female companion? What is the first thing that attracts you. Her ability to cook and keep house or is it the way she looks? It's not politically correct, GM hates it when I draw that analogy. But it's absolutely correct." - General Motors Vice Chairman BOB LUTZ likening women to an automobile's exterior design. |
| "When I get a little money, I buy books. And if there is any left over, I buy food." - Deciderius Erasmus [1469 - 1536] Dutch Renaissance Scholar & Theologian |
| Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. - Buddha |
| Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it ‘til it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it. - Will Rogers |
| Good is the enemy of best, and best is the enemy of better. - Various Attribution |
| A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults. - Louis Nizer |
| I feel so miserable without you. It's almost like having you here. - Stephen Bishop |
| He is a self-made man and worships his creator. - John Bright |
| He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. - Winston Churchill |
| A modest little person, with much to be modest about. - Winston Churchill |
| I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial. - Irvin S. Cob |
| I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow |
| He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) |
| Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) |
| He had delusions of adequacy. - Walter Kerr |
| He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. - Abraham Lincoln |
| You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. - Groucho Marx |
| I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx |
| He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. - Robert Redford |
| He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. - Forrest Tucker |
| I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain |
| His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West |
| She is a peacock in everything but beauty. - Oscar Wilde |
| Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde |
| He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. - Oscar Wilde |
| He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder |